May 3, 2008


Why do I give a damn? Others looking in on me might well ask.

I’ve wondered a bit myself recently, though not in the aggravated way I once did, which is just one more sign that I am moving forward. Still, what lingers? And why do I ever think back on it?

It’s no longer just nostalgia, for I daily accept its passing and do not even really want her back. A new feeling I'm coming to understand, I want to release her—

I want to forgive her, as time goes on it only gets clearer. I'm in need signs of forgiveness. Sometimes I think about all the pain I’ve put into the world, and I can barely forgive myself. And when I fail to forgive someone, I’m really failing to forgive myself.

I want to continue moving forward, leaving pain in the past where it belongs, and I struggle doing that if I can’t forgive myself. I’m seeking forgiveness so that I can learn to forgive others, and myself is just one more other I need to learn to forgive.